My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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