Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
