Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
