fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
