The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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