So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
