there's paper in my vomit.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
