There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
