Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
