I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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