she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
