My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
