Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
