just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
