she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
