Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
