my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
