i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
