I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
