There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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