you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
