i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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