just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
