Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
