I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
a search helicopter?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
