Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
