im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
