I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
