if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
