Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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