Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
