I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
