BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
