TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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