dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
