Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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