I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
