i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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