My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
