Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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