Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
