I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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