Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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