Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
...so i touched it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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