i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
pray to the hookup gods
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