some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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