i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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