So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
