I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
