hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
