I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
