I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
