Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
