Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
