she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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