I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
