I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
