I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
