can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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