we have officially lost it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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