Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
