no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
