I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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