if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
