we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
