got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
