Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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