My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So many bounce houses so little time
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
