...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
