Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its not stalking. its research.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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