Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
