I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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