I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
