I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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