Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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