Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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