I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
