I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
